how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How's work?
Spinning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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