Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
