I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize