I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
