the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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