Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
