i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
