I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
