I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
