Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
