we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
