Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
