i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
