Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
