this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize