drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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