she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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