like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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