I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FOUND THE LEGS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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