Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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