True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
