I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
