how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
