i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize