sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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