I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
