So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
