I'm eating all of the evidence.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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