Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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