Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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