I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
