i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Let's paint friendship bongs
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
