I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
