It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
