I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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