You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
