my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
