who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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