Old men and throwing up are my life now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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