My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
