Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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