Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
