i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
