I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
