My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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