I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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