I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I want is dick and wine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
