Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
