you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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