hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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