bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
