i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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