drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
