Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
