I feel like abortions should bother me more
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
