sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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