You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
