i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
