i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
