DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the condom got lost in my hair
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
