dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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