Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
