You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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