Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
