Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
