I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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