My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
