i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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