Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
