8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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