So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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