Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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