I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
