u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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