Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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